Earth Day Dump

PAYING THE BEVERAGE

Two hand-lettered signs above the cooler:
Por favor, pagar la bebida antes de tomar. Gracias.
Please, pay the beberage before you drink. Thank you.

GENE HARRIS

Everybody's happy when Gene's here!

The big smiling man at the piano
Reaching in and pulling tunes from his suit coat pocket
Like a favorite uncle handing out C-notes.

WHISK

Preheat.
Drain.
Melt.
Crush.
Whisk.

Mix.
Pour.
Place.
Bring.
Whisk.

Remove.
Allow.
Whisk.

Whisk.
Whisk constantly.
Whisk until tender.
Whisk until fragrant.
Chill.

GIRLS GONE FLY FISHING

"You think you've flown before, but you ain't left the ground."
From "The Best Is Yet To Come" by Leigh and Coleman

Nothing stays anywhere.
Nature of the beast.


WHAT WOULDN'T BE GOOD TO DO

Is to go up to that table
And ask if anybody's got a Sharpie.


THOSE CREATIVE TYPES

Heavy heads
Fallen to the sidewalk
Like camellias.


A GOOD BURMESE PR FIRM

But still no government to be a monk under.


STIFLING

Asterisks in sundresses
Frizzy hair
Besides hats
Seahorses attached to meaty ears.
But people stink
And you'll live longer by not staring.

Red brick hot to the touch.
Riders in buses and trains
Packed in stank juice.
No fresh air until after midnight.
Seattle can get that way.


EDWARD HOPPER

Big windows,
Tight dresses.

CORE COMPETENCIES

I'd like to think we're all that stupid.

MAYBE THAT ICE CREAM WILL HELP

Maybe that ice cream will help.
What?

Maybe that ice cream will help.
Help what?


ROADSIDE INSISTENCE

A mocha in Barrilocha.
Mai tais in Van Nuys.


HELLO.
MY NAME IS STONEY LONERVICH

I don't get mad.
I don't get even.

I wish I could share the stoke.
But I'm a stone loner.

And stone loners don't share.
Not that they don't want to.

They can't.
That's what it means to be a stone loner.

Don't get even.
Don't get mad.

My name is Stoney Lonervich
Hello.


HOT MOTHERS OF FOUR

One of them accused me
Of sexually harassing her because
I told her she was as hot as
Any hot mother of four
I'd ever known or heard of.
And I started down the list.

There were some hot
Mothers of four on that list.
Some people just can't take a compliment.


CHUCK

A man beyond segue,
He enters to his own flourish.

LUXURY SUITES FOR ORCHESTRA, including:

LAS HASHBROWNS

Why do they say they speak English when they don't?

NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY

So what are you up to?

No good.

Perfect day for it---you won't get rained on!

I'VE NEVER KNOWN PEACETIME TEEVEE

Hey, I'd stay and talk---I gotta totally run.

WHERE OTHERS ONLY DREAM OF

My head feels like a brochure.

I CAUGHT A 14-POUND RAINBOW

Meat's nice and firm.

ABBY?

Abby?
You're not Abby.

I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING

I've tried the gel, I've tried everything there is.

GUAU

Kiki es muy sexy. Super guau.

NATIONAL STEEL AND SHIPBUILDING

I was working graveyard,
Off at 8 in the morning,
Loaded by 8:20,
No different from anybody else,
Ugly and misshapen
To hide the beautiful self.

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CHASM

Of the abyss you mean he said.

NO WORRIES

I'm not going to start serial killing everybody,
Just don't hog Miss Dunaway on me

I CAME OFF THE COUCH LIKE A ROCKET

Then what happened?

I forget.

I FEEL SECURE

Secure? How so?

ILLEGAL ADDITIONS IN THE MOBILE HOME PARK

The torment of forbidden love.

You Are Important

Even after seven revolutions in eight years,

There's barely been sufficient corruption

To deem it a legitimate government,

Let alone a President's Day Mattress Sale.

I transferred from state-sponsored media

To media-sponsored state.

But the jury is still out,

And they're never coming back,

 

Our flag is always in the top five of

Favorite flags of the world,

Although the silhouetted mountain was

Long ago eviscerated by ore--, mineral--,

And precious metal--sucking technology,

And rises now, a reeking, smoldering

Garbage dump infested by all manner of mattress,

Box spring, syringe and hazmat bag.

 

"You Are Important. Your Vote Counts."

The Registrar of Voters says so.

Being important means more to me than

Whether my vote counts.

Being important is the next best thing

To being famous, and

Being famous is the most important thing in the world,

Vote or no vote, flag or no flag, jury or no jury.

 

Election Day and the Day of the Dead coincide:

Sugar skulls everywhere.

Never seen a corpse do handstands before?

Just a bunch of over-idealistic rich kids.

There's no need to appeal to the international community,

No need for human rights watchdogs to fly in

As part of an election monitoring mechanism.

We'll keep the bar open until a winner has been declared.

 

(from "Born to Lens" (2007) by Randy Stark)

Clemens Rockets Away

After testifying before Congress regarding use/non-use of steriods, Roger Clemens flew to Vienna where he was the keynote speaker at a United Nations conference on how to end human trafficking. The Rocket was then whisked to Caracas where he joined a group of celebrities, including Shakira and Jennifer Lopez, protesting Venezeula's ban on singer Alejandoro Sanz. The Spanish crooner apparently made an untoward remark concerning Presidente Chavez, and the big Texas fireballer wanted to help bring the two sides together. I predict Clemens will become the first Nobel Peace Prize winning American Leaguer.

Today’s Forecast: Continued Warm

Now two of his ex-wives are after me, or my name isn't Gregory Peck in "To Kill a Mockingbird."

If you outlaw tamales, only outlaws will have tamales.

It started a week ago Friday, about San Ardo, heading north on 101.
The time was 8 p.m. It was dark. Shostakovich's Tenth on the sound system, bass to the max.

Past San Lucas, paralleling the Salinas River,

King City is where we'd stop.
That was King City we just passed.
We didn't stop in King City.

We didn't stop in Greenfield.

And we didn't stop in Soledad.

We stopped on the southern edge of Salinas.

We couldn't take it any more.

Another evening in Steinbeck Country

Violence is a by-product of organization.

The ballet destroyed us,
And the last quarter of the Super Bowl
Ground up the ashes.

Monday I drove home

To Santa Barbara from San Francisco

Tuesday I voted
Super Tuesday
Mardi Gras
Fat Tuesday

Santa Barbara County made NFL history by going for Obama.
I've never been prouder of my county
Although why the polling place was at the
Methodist Church instead of the Unitarian Church
This year I don't know.

Wednesday was Ash Wednesday
And I saw a lot of
The Practicing.

That being said, Thursday was lunar New Year
I celebrated in Santa Barbara's ½-block-long Chinatown
And longed for Little Saigon.
But instead the space shuttle Atlantis launched.
Friday I was lucky to be able to walk.

"Shaking Up the Whole Game" the book should be available this spring.

Caught Between Sundance and Santa Barbara

Artists always do their best work

When a film festival is in town.

And it gives a geezer a chance

To clean up some files

Here are a few poems that accrued over the holidays:

5:15

My team's #1, I'm #1.

Next report at 5:25.

Jiggle Bells

Open Normal hours

Chrisma eve

Open 5 p.m.

Chrisma day.

Imperial showgirls.

Tri-county's classiest

2-story gentlman's club.

Coyotes shit where they eat

I've seen it.

Several days of unusually,

If anything--

If that--

Is what the client

Wants.

Bread

It don't matter to me.
Giants or Patriots.
I had them both in the office pool.

JESUS’ DRAFT AGENDA FOR THE SHORT MEETING FOLLOWING THE LAST SUPPER, and other poems by Randy Stark

U DID U THANG

Who am I to say
Vosotros?

CAST

And introducing
Light, as "A Feather."

ZERO DEGREES

Unh-uh.

AT THE SAN CLEMENTE TRAIN STATION

Waves crash
Trains pass
Sea glass
Kids swing
Teens sing

Toot-toot!
Toot-toot!

JESUS' DRAFT AGENDA FOR THE SHORT MEETING FOLLOWING THE LAST SUPPER

• What worked?
• What didn't work?
• Lessons learned?
  

Zoo Stories

High winds, heavy surf

A broke heart

Kenya

Benazir

The broke-neck giraffe in the sbzoo

 

If Bill and Hillary

Are the "comeback kids"

Is Obama the "Say Hey Kid?"

 

And speaking of San Francisco

The day before the tiger

Broke free and killed a guy,

There were reports from China

About skinned and beheaded tigers,

Siberian, just like the San Francisco cat,

"Lack of funds has been blamed

For a number of macabre incidents involving tigers

In zoos in China."

"Last week, a female Siberian tiger was found dead at the zoo, with her skin, head and legs missing. Police are looking for the killers."

Coincidence?

I doubt it.

Some weird kind of payback is more like it.

 

News reports within days of each other:

The city of Seattle is designating and preserving

A Denny's restaurant

As an official cultural icon.

An explosion destroyed a Denny's restaurant in

South Lake Tahoe,California.

Coincidence?

I doubt it.

People who don't like Denny's acting out.

 

Finally,

True or False: News of the death of Sir Edmund Hillary resulted in a 2 percent sympathy vote spike for Ms. Clinton.

 

 

It Takes Three

Russian Elenas
to equal one
Mexican Elena.

People who were able
to compare said
there was no comparison

72 percent cacao!

Glad to be Back in the Dark

Two score years ago the movie theater was my second home (before multiplexes, before thumbs and scales). What I always wanted to do is direct.

Estranged from the silver screen for the past 15 years, I've recently rediscovered the youthful fervor and joy of being at the movies.

I've had to relearn how to eat popcorn in the dark; I've mistaken Frank Langella for Alan Arkin, and Daniel Day-Lewis for Sam Elliot. But I'm glad to be back in the dark.

Killer Films

Three and only three movies I chose to see during this pre-holiday season. All featured killing, lots of it. Why so much killing? Well, I suppose if I didn't want to see killing, I should have spent my discretionary entertainment dollars on Lars or Juno. But then I might have wanted to commit suicide.

The best of the three: "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead." Lumet, an old school director, knows how to get actors to act: Albert Finney from back in the day, Ethan Hawke from today. The squirming, maddening desperation of circumstances beyond one's control: this picture captures it. And the cast puts on an acting clinic.

Next best: "No Country for Old Men." Coen bros. films are just so damn well made; every shot is exactly right (even if casting isn't always, e.g. J.J. Leigh ruining "The Hudsucker Proxy.") and the scrupulous attention to cinematic detail is like fine wine. Thus, a perfect hook-up with Cormac McCarthy. McCarthy is a great writer, and even though "No Country" is not his best novel, the Coens have done it proud. (Film often elevates good but not great novels, whereas great novels usually stand on their own. Same with great music: ballet companies love to dance to Tchaikovsky, but you don't see many tutus en pointe with Mahler.) The bloodshed in "No Country" the film, as in the novel, gets old after awhile. But craft---scintillating craft--redeems both.

The pits: "Southland Tales." Silly plot, pretentious themes, bad acting. That the money spent on this picture wasn't instead donated to charity is a sin.

The Herald

sex slay
hub grudge
kin reeling

Argentina, Oil and Dem Politics

Today, hopefully, the Argentines will do what a few months ago the French failed to do: elect a babe to be president. Cristina is her name. She'll be the most exciting thing to happen to that pink crib since Shakira's boyfriend's old man had to be airlifted off the the roof. (Forget Evita.)

Is it true that the rising price of oil is due to the declining value of the US dollar? The price of a barrel of oil is approaching $100, yet there isn't much being said, unlike the tirades earlier in the year when the price was going over $60? Why? Granted that it isn't (or hasn't been) so much the price as the availablity that concerned USA citizens, but why isn't the press focusing on the current price level? Is there a scab that dare not be picked? i.e. Real money? i.e. China?

Although I don't give a fig about USA politics, I predict a Clinton-Richardson ticket.

Iran and the Stans

Them, Russia, Azerbaijan and a few others, as well---all for one and one for all.

Another juggernaut---joining China and India---to challenge the USA for energy.

Those guys make deals, agreements, and alliances to get their needs met. Not to mention diplomacy. They wisely schmooze Africa and South America.

Meanwhile the USA goes to war. War. A box the USA apparently can't think outside of. That and television. It's either war, or dancing with the stars.

Time to wake up and smell the delta smelt.

Let's Float Down To Peru

In llama-land ex-president Fujimori is in trouble. Back in the day, he rescued the Machu Picchu folks from a bad economy and the Shining Path; Peru was in such horrible condition the military refused to stage a coup, they didn't want the headaches. And remember this was a time in South and Central America that military coups were happening every other week.

Fujimori apparently got a little overzealous, and that's what he's in hot water for today. But you have to wonder about Peruvians: they recently re-elected as President Alan Garcia, the guy who stood helpless as the country fell aapart, and Fujimori had to be brought in for the rescue. And you have to wonder further about Peruvians: they perjoratively refer to Fujimori as "El Chino," the Chinaman.

Fujimori is of Japanese ancestry.

I guess USA citizens aren't the only confused Western Hemispherians.